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00:02:16 Reframe the Way You Understand the Purpose of Conversation
00:03:20 Don’t Jump Ahead
00:05:38 Stop Centering Yourself
00:07:32 Watch Out for Passive Conversational Narcissism, too
00:08:22 What If They’re the Conversational Narcissist?

Instead of using the chance to engage with another to learn and connect, such a person uses conversation as a way to bolster their own ego, to demand attention and recognition—in other words, they see others as audience members!
As part of his research, Derber listened in on more than 1500 talks and had to sadly conclude that most were conversational narcissists, despite being well-intentioned.
Sadly, conversational narcissism tends to reproduce itself—a big trigger for behaving this way is often the sense that we are not being listened to, because the other person is too busy with themselves to pay us attention.
Yet, the more we try to make the conversation about us, the more the other person feels the same way and responds by trying to edge their way into the limelight.
A good conversation is not something you fight over with the other person to win, and it’s not something you begrudgingly share with them, anxiously waiting for your turn so you can snatch attention back from them.
As soon as they stop talking, I’m going to share my brilliant diet advice and then they’ll think I’m clever.”
Instead of talking about the other person, or about the topic in general, you are constantly making the focus of the conversation yourself.
This can be a conscious or unconscious way of controlling the conversation, since eventually the other person will just stop talking .
You might be wondering if it’s worth going to the effort of asking questions, listening empathically, and de-centering yourself if the other person will only grab the opportunity to hog the conversation.

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Categories: Voice over Work